"How Soccer Is Ruining America: A Jeremiad" by Stephen H. Webb's is an ironic and satirical article that claimes that soccer is the worst sport in America and only has the purpose of mocking God and our precious hands. In just the beginning paragraphs Webb states that soccer is an incurable disease that has no cure. In the article he says that there is ¨very little anyone can do about it.¨ His first 'argument' claims that ¨Any sport that limits you to using your feet...has something very wrong with it¨. This claim is satirical because a lot of sports around the world involves the use of the players feet. To be mocking soccer for the use of feet would be mocking almost every sport, hinting to the audience the irony Webb is trying to show. Over the span of the entire article Webb brings up satirical claims like these that are sarcastic and lacking in data, to a point that it is obvious he is not being serious with this arguments.
Webb continues to poke fun at the concept later on in the text when he questions "Do kids ever say, "Trick or Treat, smell my hands?" This is the common quote on halloween when children sometimes say "Trick or Treat smell my feet," which is him trying to back up his 'argument' by using bad examples about how 'hands are divine' and feet are the opposite. This so called argument has no factual information and no warrant. Webb is completely sarcastic about the subject at hand (lol) as he tries to justify the divineness of hands by stating that children run around saying that feet are essentially just smelly and gross.
The last thing that stood out in the text that shows how this article is satirical is how he does not capitalize "he". Several times throughout the text when he mentions God and then starts a new sentence he does not capitalize He when he talks about God. If anyone was truly serious about soccer 'disrespecting' God they would make sure to use the correct pronouns when mentioning God. The quote found is as follows, "In all the portraits of God's wrath, never once is he pictured as wanting to step on us or kick us; he does not stoop that low."
To top things off, at the very end of the article Webb includes this statement, "Nonetheless, I must say that my kids and I come home from a soccer game a very happy family." Therefore Webb is clearly not against soccer when he comes home happy from a game. Webb would not be happy coming home after a soccer game because he would have had to sit through watching his daughter play a sport that he absolutely despised and would have come home enraged or upset instead. In other words these examples and the statement at the end supports my claim that the entire article is satire and written to be ironic and sarcastic.
Webb continues to poke fun at the concept later on in the text when he questions "Do kids ever say, "Trick or Treat, smell my hands?" This is the common quote on halloween when children sometimes say "Trick or Treat smell my feet," which is him trying to back up his 'argument' by using bad examples about how 'hands are divine' and feet are the opposite. This so called argument has no factual information and no warrant. Webb is completely sarcastic about the subject at hand (lol) as he tries to justify the divineness of hands by stating that children run around saying that feet are essentially just smelly and gross.
The last thing that stood out in the text that shows how this article is satirical is how he does not capitalize "he". Several times throughout the text when he mentions God and then starts a new sentence he does not capitalize He when he talks about God. If anyone was truly serious about soccer 'disrespecting' God they would make sure to use the correct pronouns when mentioning God. The quote found is as follows, "In all the portraits of God's wrath, never once is he pictured as wanting to step on us or kick us; he does not stoop that low."
To top things off, at the very end of the article Webb includes this statement, "Nonetheless, I must say that my kids and I come home from a soccer game a very happy family." Therefore Webb is clearly not against soccer when he comes home happy from a game. Webb would not be happy coming home after a soccer game because he would have had to sit through watching his daughter play a sport that he absolutely despised and would have come home enraged or upset instead. In other words these examples and the statement at the end supports my claim that the entire article is satire and written to be ironic and sarcastic.
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